I’ve been starting to write medium posts about things, and start to submit posts again. After I graduated college the first time I wanted to be a writer, but I also had something like -$20,000 in my bank account. So that was a trifle unrealistic. But one thing I’m noticing is that even post-that: now that I’ve economically ‘made it’, for lack of a better word; it doesn’t affect my actual personality or output. In fact, I think it makes output harder. Here’s the last medium post I wrote, a 2500-word piece about aesthetic and the positioning of opinion within framework as related through a YouTube celebrity who’s a bit of a criticism lighting rod. It’s gotten two views and zero actual reads on this posting.
I submitted a story somewhere a week ago. It was something I love, but is perhaps not something others want to read. It was rejected.
I’m aware logically that I should submit to many places, and self-promote, if I want people to read what I place into the world. That I need to be my own hypewoman, basically. But it feels oddly false to cause your own hype, even if everyone does it. And it’s very hard, looking outside of yourself, to see whether the things you’re making even say what you want them to say. It’s sometimes hard for me to express what I want to express and have others actually recieve that. Perhaps there is a secret plot in the story that’s something I never thought of, and it’s terrible, and that’s why it’s being rejected?
Even though it was only rejected by one person. Imposter syndrome is everywhere, so I suppose this is just a short note, if you’re reading this; to keep trying, regardless of it, and keep being.